Timeline

This has been a major part of mine and my family's life for the past 18 months. This is something that no one deserves to go through especially when they are not at fault.  I'm sharing this for a few reasons. The first is because there are always warning signs, if you see any similarities, run. The second, is because although I do not need to defend myself or justify my decisions in any way I do feel that the truth is important, so here it is.  There have been numerous domestic violence incidences in the past with Jose.  They usually happened when Jose was drunk or high, or in need of a drug fix.  Late summer of 2005 Jose sat on top of Amy and choked me while their son Presley (approximately 6 months old) watched from the bed.  Presley was reached on of the bed to get to Amy as she tried to get Jose off of her.  Amy was worried about Presley falling off the bed, which he did, landing on top of her face, this was the reason Jose stopped choking Amy.  Before this there were several other incidences.  Amy has been backhanded on several occasions leaving her mouth busted open.  José’s mother and friends have been witness to this.  On one occasion Jose backhanded her and several of his friends had to stop Jose. Jose ended up with a broken hand after this fight with his friends.  Amy was pregnant with our son Presley when this happened.   The following documentation from November to May 2011 is included in the Protective Order issued May 2011 By Judge Gray.   • November 2006- Sexual incident involving Jose and Amy’s 15-year-old minor.  Jose took and failed a lie detector test.  Jose and Amy separated at this time, there was a CPS investigation and Jose was removed from the home.  Jose and their children were required to take counseling classes and Jose begins AA.  This lasted 6 months, Jose began drinking again and it progressed to heavy drinking and drug use, he failed an at home trust test in May 2010 tested positive for cocaine, he has a long history of drug use (20+ years). • January 20th 2011- Jose and Amy were separated, he broke into the house (they mutually agreed to him moving out) three times.  Amy woke up to him standing over her in bed yelling at her, the last time he broke her phone and laptop.  During this time he would frequently drive by the house repeatedly late at night. After the third time Amy made a police report. (NBPD case # 1100003316)     • March 19th 2011- Jose tried to run Amy and their children off the road.  He then followed Amy to her friends’ house and began yelling and cussing in front of the children.  (Police report made with Guadalupe Sheriffs office)   • April 30th 2011- Amy was at Kork Wine Bar in New Braunfels with friends.  Jose showed up there and began screaming at her.  He then stole her vehicle and drove it back to 1313 West San Antonio Street.  Amy called the police who told her it was mutual property and she could go and retrieve it, which she did.  When Amy got there she got in the vehicle as quickly at possible, Jose tried to stop her by grabbing her arm and leaving a bruise and then by getting in front of the vehicle as she tried to leave.  (NBPD case # 1100020169)   • May 1st 2011- Amy was at a First Communion at St. Peter and Paul Catholic church.  Jose stole her vehicle again, leaving her and their children stranded in the middle of New Braunfels.  NBPD officer took her to 1313 W. San Antonio Street and got the vehicle.     • May 1st and 2nd 2011- May 1st Jose called approximately 106 times.  May 2nd Amy woke up to 58 missed calls from Jose; he called approximately 19 times after that.  The majority of calls Amy did not answer, when she would answer the calls where degrading sexual comments.  Amy made a police report for harassment.  (NBPD case # 1100020295)   EX PARTE PROTECTIVE ORDER ISSUED BY JUDGE GRAY MAY 3RD 2011     TAX REFUND/FINANCIAL SUPPORT/PROPERTY- January 2011 24th-says he’s going to give Amy half of tax return. 25th- Jose tells Amy to Pawn her ring to get money.           Jose says he sent money and it will be there on the 3rd. February 2nd- Jose says he will give Amy half of income tax return. March 2011 8th- Amy is still asking about tax refund, and finds proof that Jose had the money a month ago. June 2011- 25th-Jose puts Amy’s belongings outside and says its going to rain. July 2011 5th-Jose tells Amy she cannot get her belongings. March 2012 29th- Jose tells Amy that he will bring some of her belongings.  Amy responds to Jose telling him that she has attempted to get her belongings several times and he has refused her access.  She explains that she is not comfortable exchanges possessions with him in Columbus, nor is her car big enough to fit belongings into and that what he has brought her in the past has been broken of missing parts. June 2012 11th- Jose tells Amy that because she is getting remarried she will not be getting as much money from him (child support)   WELL BEING OFCHILDREN February 9th- Amy tells Jose to call the kids on time not 30 minutes after when they are in bed. 23rd- Amy offers to send clothing for the kids, Jose says yes but not too much. March 2011 23rd- Pixie taken to ER after having multiple potty accidents.  She began complaining of pain, has a severe UTI and a high white blood cell count. Accidents begin each time Pixie comes back from José’s house. April 2011- 2nd- Jose wants Amy to watch Parker so he can go to therapy. August 2011 19th- Amy gives Jose school information via text 21st- Jose did not return life vest that he borrowed from Amy. 24th- Multiple texts and phone calls about Doctors, Amy sends Jose Medicaid information. 26th- Amy gives Jose Pixies school information.  Jose says that he will send half of tuition. September 2011 8th- Jose says he cant afford tuition. December 2012 5th- Penelope has multiple tantrums on this day.  Amy asks Jose if anything happened over the weekend.  He says no.  Amy later finds out that this was the weekend Jose beat Penelope with the shoe the first time. January 2012 January 16th- After picking up the children in Columbus Amy had to pull over because Penelope became hysterical describing Jose beating her with a shoe while Presley watched.  While waiting in Columbus for Amy to meet him, Jose beat Penelope with a shoe for the second time.  A police report was made and CPS was called. May 2012 4th- Penelope calls Amy hysterical saying that Jose had locked her in the bathroom after she became upset.  Penelope’s older sister snuck in and gave her the phone so that she could call Amy; she was in the bathroom for approximately an hour. -Jose repeatedly asks for clothes for the children, refusing to buy them anything for when they are at his house. 16th- Phone conversation- Presley tells Jose he has summer school in June.  Both the girls tell Jose they do not want to talk to Jose.  (recording) 17th- Penelope calls and asks Jose to pick her up in Houston on the way to the beach.  Jose asks if someone told her to ask him that and why did she not want to talk to him yesterday.  Penelope says no and that she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.  Presley tells Jose that he wants to go to his soccer game on Saturday. Jose tells Presley to tell Penelope “to get on the phone right now” Pixie tells Jose she does not want to go to the beach. (recording) 18th- At the drop off Jose did not have car seats for the kids and had to wait at the police station until he found someone to borrow one from.  Over the phone Amy tells the police officer that she will come and get the kids and take them home but will not give Jose her car seats because she has in the past and had to replace them when not returned or returned broken. 31st- Penelope is crying that she does not want to go to her Dads because he is mean to her.  Penelope says that “he is mean to me and yells at me a bunch, I don’t want to go, I want to stay here with you…I want you to come with me (talking to Amy) whenever he yells at me he makes me cry, I get really scared when he yells at me.  Parker gets the phone and calls Kim (when Penelope is scared) but Daddy takes the phone away…I really miss Parker but I don’t want to go with Dad ” “He wont let me talk to her” (talking about Jose not letting Penelope talk to Amy) “he says no” when Penelope asks to talk to Amy (recording) June 2012 14th- Amy replaces Pixies shoes because Jose has not sent back the pair that Pixie wore to his house two months ago. 14th- Amy asks Jose to obtain insurance for the kids.  Their Medicaid will not be renewable because of combined incomes.  Pixie needs insurance that covers speech therapy.   15th- Amy asks Jose to replace Presley’s shoes that were ruined at his house. 17th- Jose admits to putting the kids in the trunk of his vehicle with no car seats and no seatbelts.  The kids were not fed dinner and Pixie was wearing a dress that continually fell off of her exposing her chest area. July 2012 4th- Jose asks to speak to the children, Amy gives him her husbands phone number, Jose refuses to call on Clint’s phone.     VISITATION January 2011 28th- Refuses visitation with kids. February 9th- Amy asks Jose to call earlier, not after kids are asleep. 22nd-Amy agrees to switch weekend for Dog booth.  Explains that Jose will not see the kids for 3 weeks, offers him to make up the weekend.  Amy offers to accommodate Jose and come to New Braunfels, offers him the kids during Spring Break, Jose refuses visitation says he has to work.  Then says he wants Pixie to live with him. 23rd- Jose says he will ick up the kids in Columbus but wants Amy to be his friend and hug him on drop offs and pick ups. July 2011 15th- Jose late to pick up.  After pick up Jose asks Amy how she manages the kids.  Says he’s ready to kill them after 10 minutes, cant fathom another 10 days with them. 25th- Jose refuses visitation. 29th- Jose refuses visitation again.   31st-Jose says he will come to Houston to get the kids and bring Amy her things. And keep them the week instead of the weekend.  Amy has to register kids for school and they have Doctor appointments.   August 2011 2nd- Amy asks why the week and not weekend.  Jose gets mad and says he’s not bringing her stuff of getting the kids. Jose says he wont pick up the kids until they go back to court. 3rd- Jose refuses visitation 12th- Jose admits to not getting kids last few weeks. Says he can not pick up the kids (make up weekend) 13th- Amy met Jose at Wal-Mart in Houston for visitation. 14th- Amy gives Jose unscheduled visit until the 21st September 2011 30th- Jose 25 minutes late October 2011 2nd- Jose was 30 minutes late DECEMBER 2012 1st- Amy asked Jose to buy a phone card for the go phone she has so that he can regularly talk to the kids.  He refuses and says, “They will just have to miss out on talking to their father”. 16th- Amy offers Jose visitation with the kids December 16th-18th from her scheduled Christmas visitation, he refuses. 25TH- Jose agrees to pick up the kids in Houston because Amy’s car is not in good condition 26th- At 2:30 am and 7:30am Jose changes his mind and sends an email saying that Amy will have to meet him in Columbus. January 2012 13th- Jose and Amy switched weekends at José’s request so that Jose could take Presley to monster Jam.  Agreed to meet Sunday in Columbus at 6pm, Jose refused and kept the children until Monday, after Amy explained that this was her time and could not meet him until 8pm on Monday. 24th- Amy tells Jose 7:30 would be a good time to call. 28th- Jose refuses visitation. February 2012 Amy did not send the children to Jose for visitation during this month because of the open CPS case for Penelope.  CPS caseworker verbally advised her not to send them over until there was a safety plan in place but did warn her that she may face contempt of court charges. April 2012 6th- Jose does not exercise his visitation with the kids.   22nd- Jose is over 30 minutes later returning the kids. May 2012 20th- Jose agrees to meet Amy in Houston at 7pm instead of the regularly scheduled 6pm because he is coming back from Galveston.  Amy waits at CVS on Gessner (their agreed meeting location) until 8pm when Jose arrives with the kids.  For an hour he sent her text messages saying he was almost there the kids were eating. June 2012 2nd- Amy asks the kids if they are having a good day Jose comments “Are you being abused?  Are you being bit by a pit bull or something?” Penelope says, “I cried for you three times.” Jose is yelling “We got to get to the tube shoot before the sun goes down” Penelope yells back “I don’t want to go to the tube shoot!”  Jose continues to yell; Presley says, “Be quiet!” 3rd- Nelly says “I don’t want to be here, I want to come home…I wish I could come home today”(Jose hangs up the phone after she says that) Amy can hardly hear the kids because there is so much screaming in the background. Presley says, “Dad wont let me” go outside to talk.  (recording) 4th-Penelope says she is wearing her new underwear that we bought her.  Amy got hung up on. Presley left a voicemail upset saying that he got in trouble and he was ready to come home.  Presley tells Amy that he got in trouble and was yelled at because Richie said that he called him a baby when he fell on the trampoline.  Jose hears Presley telling Amy and says, “Why are you talking about that?  Whatever’s happening here is none of her (Amy’s) business.  Presley’s says, “He’s mad at me.  He says I can’t talk about stuff that’s happening” Presley’s asks Jose “Can you just leave me alone for just a second?”  Jose says, “You gotta go” Presley says, “I just want to hang out with you, I want to come home and hang out with you and Ryder” (recording) 5th- Presley says “I’m ready to come home…I got hurt yesterday and I got in trouble, I don’t know why” Presley tells Amy about getting in trouble on the trampoline again.  Pixie says, “I want you” Amy can’t hear anything again because of background noise and speakerphone.  (recording) 6th- Jose does not answer 7th- Kids talk briefly Jose tells them they have to get off the phone someone yells “I don’t want to!” 10th- Jose does not let Amy talk to the kids. 13th- Amy was running late to pick up the kids due to traffic and wrecks.  Jose said he would only wait 30 minutes and then leave with the kids.  At 6:30 Amy receives an email that Jose is stranded with the children at the Eastbound Rest Center headed back towards New Braunfels.  Amy has to request an officer to follow her there.  The rest center is approximately 10 miles away putting Jose leaving their planned meeting location of the Columbus police station at approximately 6:20.  Presley later told Amy “Daddy said we were going back to New Braunfels”. 15th- Jose was 25 minutes late, Amy waited. 24th- Jose asks to speak to the kids; this is the first time since he dropped them off on June 17th.  Amy says she will have the kids FaceTime Jose, he then asks if he can just talk to them tomorrow (Monday) or Wednesday instead. June 24th- Jose says he is coming back from Houston where he has picked up Parker, who has been in Houston for a week.  She has been staying at Kim’s house 4 blocks from her brother and sisters and Amy and the children were never told.   July 2012 10th- Jose refuses to let Amy speak to the children because she is calling from her husbands phone. 11th- After Presley tells Amy that Jose called her “duck face” Jose refuses to let Amy speak to the kids until she put in writing that she will have a positive conversation with them and not have them say anything negative is happening at his house.       HARASSMENT March 2011 1st- Several messages from Jose stating that everything is his fault, admits to being a bad human, does not answer drug question from Amy. Jose says that Amy is going to have to take Parker after multiple times of telling Amy see will never see Parker again. (Parker is José’s daughter) 5th- Jose admits to illegally obtaining Amy’s ATT phone records from Akili who works for ATT. 8th- Jose says he is going to let the kids know Amy is trying to put him in jail. 9th- Jose threatens to beat Clint’s ass if he is ever near his family. 11th- Jose apologizing for stalking Amy on Facebook. 11th- Calls Amy a dumb Ass. 23rd- Jose tells Amy she has a stick up her ass. 23rd- Jose tells Amy “Clint is a bad fuck.” 25th- Jose tells Amy “You were always good for opening your legs quick”, apologizes, then says “I can’t leave you alone” “pray for me, leave me alone” 27th- Amy says Stop contacting me” after several phone calls, Jose says he’s not calling for her and then asks if they can talk. 28th- Jose admits to calling Amy names and apologizes for what he has put her through. April 2011 1st- Says he wants to talk to the kids and wont harass or bother Amy anymore, says he wants to act civil.  Calls Amy a worthless piece of shit, asks Amy if she “is fucking Clint, Bobby, or Roger and getting herpes” 49 TEXT IN A ROW FROM JOSE.   June 2011 4th- Amy tells Jose that the kids are still upset about him trying to run them off the road.  Jose says, “You will never have to worry about him ever doing that again.” 25th- Jose says he “fucked Cassie on your 21st birthday” to Amy. July 2011 5th- calls Amy a “whore”.  Makes derogatory comment about Amy’s weight.   20th- Tells Amy not to kiss anyone around the kids. Amy again says “Stop commenting on my personal life” Jose calls Amy a “whore”, says, “If it walks like a duck”. Amy says, “Leave me alone”. Jose says he got a girlfriend, makes fun of Amy for being home alone and tells her to find a man and get a life. 22nd- Jose apologizes for saying mean things, cheating and putting his hands on Amy. 25th- Jose makes duck reference (whore) Calls Amy his “leftovers” in three different texts. 26th- Jose says Amy has “a massive yeast infection that smells” and “a massive cyst”- this is in reference to polycystic ovarian syndrome that Amy has. October 2011 2nd- Jose tells Amy “I hope you get AIDS” Jose admits to cheating on Amy with Carrie while she was pregnant with Presley.   13th- Amy says stop harassing me. February 2012 7th-Jose emails Amy Lenny Kravitz video “My Precious Love” March 2012- 2nd-Jose calls Amy’s work approximately 20 times and her cell phone approximately 20 times after she has emailed him to tell him that she would meet in Columbus.  During this Amy told him verbally on the phone that she would meet him and to “please stop calling there is nothing else to talk about” Jose said that he “wouldn’t stop” and proceeding to call 15 times after this and tell the receptionist that Amy was “holding the kids from him and that she was in contempt of court”. April 2012 20th- Jose calls Amy a “saddle” after she asks that he send back Pixies “Lambie” that has not been returned for 2 weeks. 21st- Jose sends multiple text messages blaming Amy for his relationship with the kids. May 2012 18th- Jose did not have car seats when he came to pick up the kids.  HE demanded that Amy give him hers.  Amy did not give him car seats because she has already had to replace car seats after letting Jose borrow them and he has returned them broken in the passed.  Jose told Amy via text that the “police were looking for her and she was going to go to jail”, all untrue statements.   20th- Jose tells Amy “we had a good laugh about your Victoria Secrets bag you sent the kids stuff over in”. After meeting Amy and dropping off the kids, Jose then follows Amy halfway to her house (the opposite direction that he needed to go to drive home) and turns around only after the kids are pointing at him from the backseat. Amy asked Jose why he was following her Jose said “I don’t follow that scent anymore”.  Amy Made a police report case number 65026112N June 2012 4th- Jose calls Amy his “leftovers”. 8th- Amy tried to FaceTime the kids using Clint’s email account.  Presley is upset and begins to cry says “I miss you, Dads taking the phone from me” Jose hangs up the phone.  Amy calls back, Jose says “They’re in a bad mood, and they are turning it into something else and you are helping them do that” Amy and her husband respond “By asking them what’s wrong? I’m not helping them do anything” Jose says “Shut the fuck up Clint before I beat your fucking ass you fucking faggot.” Amy says, “Did you just say you were going to beat my ass?”  Jose says, “I said I was going to beat Clint’s ass.  Clint that fucking faggot Clint, yes I did.” (recording) 11th- Calls Amy and her husband pathetic and retarded.  Amy tells him that her personal life does not need to be discussed. 19th- Amy still had no received child support payment.  She asks Jose about it.  Jose calls the AG office and tells Amy to “shop somewhere where the underwear are a little cheaper”, and that Amy is harassing him because she asked about CS payment. July 2012 6th- Amy sends the kids an email attached is a picture of Amy blowing the kids a kiss.  Jose responds for the kids saying “Nelly said nice duck face” When Amy briefly speaks to Presley on July 11th Presley says that Jose called Amy a “Duck face” and got Penelope to call her that too. 21st- Jose asks to switch the last weekends in July because of summer visitation.  Amy says that she cannot and explains to him the dates for summer visitation.  Jose calls Amy “bitter” and tells her he has a video of her Dad saying that “Amy is his problem now” that Clint can borrow.

One Year Anniversary....A Year in Rewind.

Today is my one year Anniversary. I left New Braunfels, my husband and my life a year ago today. It is amazing to me how fast the year has gone by and how much has happened in just 12 months. I never thought I would be where I am today, single, self sufficient, happy, secure. I wish I could take all the credit, say I did it all on my own but, I know that I would not be where I am today if it weren't for the amazing people that I am surrounded by in my life. To you all, I want to say thank you. So here it is, the past year with you all, the good the bad, the happy and the sad, from the begining to the end....in REWIND.
My Dear Friends Bobby and Eli: You are the most amazing people! Thank you for being our New Braunfels family! For looking past the chaos that it brought into your lives and loving us through it all. Eli, when I was too shocked and overwhelmed your level headiness got me through it which was always followed by your witty sense of humor. Holidays spent with your familiy, Presleys birthday when there was nothing I could do for him, Beanies First Communion, packing us down with anything that would help us out, living with you for weeks at a time, you never hesitated to do ALL you could for us. I will never forget your parting words a year ago"You've got your golden ticket! Thank God for that!" Bobby, you put up with an "extra wife" on and off for a while! Thank you for being so good to us and always being ready to help me, or escort me, when I needed it. And for letting me blow off a little steam in the front yard from time to time!! We love you both and your darling girls so much!

Clint: You have been so much more to me than I could have ever asked for. Your advice, your wisdom, our hour long conversations about randomness...You were always there for me. Even when things were really hard, really messy, most people would have walked away, and I prepared myself to lose you, your stayed by my side. When I was feeling sorry for myself and needed a kick in the butt, you gave it to me. When I was down and needed compassion, you were encouraging. Having you and Ryder burst through our door makes me so very happy! Thank you for a friendship that beat the odds, days at Discovery Green, thank you for dinners together, and days of complete chaos and children! You have always been that person that calls at the right time with the right words no matter what. I have so much respect for you and I thank God that you are in my life. I love you my friend.

MY NB Friends: Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for talking care of my children when they are on your side of Texas! Bess and Jess, you will always be two of my favorite girls! Thank you for being the best friends I could have asked for when I was there. I miss you so much! Bess, thank you for seeing my side of things and standing up for me even when it broke your heart, when it put you in a bad position, I know it wasn't easy. I haven't forgotten that and I never will. Jess thank you for friendship and for saving me that night with your quick wit and lending me "the device" that got me home! I love you all!!

Nicole: You are my rock. I never have to speak the words and you already know what I'm thinking, what I've done, what I've been through. Thank you for letting me sulk for a week and then forcing me to pull it together, for reminding me that showers and sunlight are a good thing and NOT sending the search party out when you thought I had gone mad and ran screaming into the woods!! Thank you for forcing me to fill out paperwork that I really didn't want to fill out. Walking me through the process when I was too overwhelmed or brain dead to do it myself. And last but definitely not least, thank you for every night, for six months, joining me on the back deck with a glass of wine and over analyzing relationships, families, children, work, politics and anything else that might come to mind. You are my person. My conscience. You know me better than I know myself at times. I love you, love you, love you.

Dad: We have been through so many transitions together. We somehow end up living together after each one. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Thank you for your "matter a fact" ways, not letting me slack off and pushing me to do what I needed to do. Thank you for the loft play room! Thank you for soup! Thank you for that ridiculous pool you made no complaints about having! Thank you for the occasional turning of the head to let me sleep in and filling bowls with Lucky Charms. Thank you for, chores, the garden, and thank you for the fishing trips and teaching us how to fillet catfish. Most of all thank you for being the example that the kids needed to see of a Father, Husband, Man, Grown Up, Haman Being. They love you, and respect you, you are their idol. I love you Daddy!

Kristen and Jason: Jason, thank you for being the best brother in law that anyone could ask for! I am thankful for days spent at you house with you family, your WHOLE FAMILY, that has become my family as well! Thank you for making uncle more than just a title, for truly loving my kids. Kristen, thank you for your friendship. You remind me so much of Dad. I know that you both were hurting for me and worried for me and the kids and that you had been for a long time. Thank you for all that you do for them. The sweet little gifts you get them, every holiday Aunty Kristen WILL HAVE a goody bag ready for you, and it will be in the cutest package filled with the best surprises!! The phones calls that begin with "Hey, I'm in the store what size ____ does ______ wear?" You are so thoughtful! Thank you for not feeling sorry for me, for knowing that I am doing good and for being someone I can vent to and get a very "to the point" opinion, I love that about you!!! Thank you for seeing my messiness and flaws and knowing that its ok and still valuing my opinion and my outlook on life. I love you and I am so glad that we are sisters!

Megan: There are no amount of words or time to tell you how much you mean to me. I am so happy to have you back in my life. The day you walked back into my life was like sunlight in my heart. It was the beginning of knowing that all was right in the world, or that it soon would be. Thank you for understanding that life is not simple. Thank you for laughter. Thank you for planking!! Thank you for being so sweet and picking me up little gifts that you are bursting to give me even if its a week early! Thank you for days spent catching crabs, singing in the car with the windows down, watching movies, hanging out on the back deck, silly conversations, inside jokes, and being such an amazing Aunty Meg and dear sister! I love you, you help to heal my heart every day.

Kathy and Rick: Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Thank you for a month of no complaints, no fights, no stress, while we were living with you guys!! I could not have asked or expected that June would have gone so smoothly, but it is all THANKS to you guys!! And thank you for lending me "The Big Blue Monster"!! Kathy, you have been a rock for me. How many hours have I spent venting to you? All I got in return was advice, and validation that you will always be there for me and have my back. Thank you for movie nights, sleep overs, rescuing me*, not judging me, letting me go a little crazy sometimes, for loving my children as you do your own and letting me abuse you repeatedly with you fabulous babysitting skills and on and on and on.......Most of all thank you for loving me and understanding me UNCONDITIONALLY. I love you like a sister!

Jamone and Tricia: You guys rock! Jamone, thank you for seeing your Mother in me and knowing, understanding and respecting who I am because of it. Thank you for watching out for Presley. Thank you for showing him the right way to treat his Mama!! Tricia, thank you for being a constant source of encouragement and making me "Get out of my Head". Thank you for listening, really listening. Thank you for reminding me on a daily basis that God has a plan. Thank you for helping me to differentiate between what I can control and what I can not control and what is my issue and what is not my issue. Thank you for pool parties, play dates, laughter, love. Thank you for your strength, thank you for being the person that you are today. When life gets hard I hear your voice say "Girl, it will all work out!" I have so much respect for you and your outlook on life. Thank you for being an inspiration. I love you sista!!

Mom: I believe that it is true that life leads you on paths. Some you choose and some God lays out before you and they unfold. I believe in time lines in life. I am guilty of trying to force things into MY own timeline and it never works. The story of our relationship is a perfect example of Gods timeline. We came together when we needed each other the most, when are lives were falling apart, they were coming together. I am thankful for second, third, forth chances because of this. I am thankful that we don't give up. I am thankful that we have found understanding in each others ways because although we didn't know it, we were going down parallel roads. I want you to know that I am always here for you. Thank you for understanding were I am coming from and knowing where I have been. Thank you for laughing with me again, thank you for mustache parties, thank you for calling because you need to hear my voice, thank you for always being ready to have fun and heal with me! I love you so very much!

My amazing family, far away but always near the heart: Thank you for supporting me, building me up and believing in me. Michael, thank you for your advice on the male species which I still don't quite understand! Thank you for making me laugh and thank you for marrying the amazing Megan and proving that there are still some "happily ever afters" out there! Thank you for visiting over the summer and bringing my Uncle Terry so I could beat him at pool! (ha!) My Indiana Family, thank you for your funny and sometimes inappropriate comments!! You truly know me and know that those are my favorite!!! (no joke!) My Aunt Kitty, thank you for always telling me that I am Beautiful! My Grandparents for your gentle souls and loving words....I love you!

To my "New Old" Friends: Jennifer Jody and Traci, you guys are amazing! Thank you for making every night I spend with you "the Best Night Ever!" Thank you for your beautiful smiles, kind and loving words, thank you for singing and dancing, forehead kisses and just being you! For all the familiar faces,Jonathan, Travis, Steven, Meeko, Ish, Watthead, Jesse, Tony, Tyler,...the list could go on and on! Thank you for being amazing, helping me out of jams (that DO NOT need to be discussed!) keeping a few secrets, #am conversations, surviving my notorious camera abuse, and being a part of so many "Girls Nights"!

To my Mercy Street Friends, you know who you are: Thank you for being a reliable source of love and inspiration in my life. For letting me know that I can always find a place that meets the definition of "Loved you Are". Kelly, thank you for being who you are and loving me and my kiddos through the past 5 years. You are beautiful inside and out and I love you!

To Parish: Thank you for making me a "Boomerang"! Thank you for new friendships (Paula!) and for decade long friendships (Melinda and Tina!) Thank you for familiar happy faces, "Parish" personalities that are unmatched anywhere else. Thank you for giving me hope and something to always look forward to. I love you guys!

To my children: Thank you for being all the reason that I needed. Thank you for your constant validation that I did the right thing. Thank you for dancing in the rain, days at the beach, craw fish farms, every critter that you brought home (including the turtle that has taken residence in the sink), thank you for making me a snake wrangler and thank you for never ever leaving me with an uneventful boring day! Our life in chaos is a beautiful thing. You are all uniquely amazing little people. Thank you for saving my life. I love you with my whole heart unconditionally forever and ever!!



Thank you ALL for showing me what it means to be surrounded by people that genuinely care, love and support me. Thank you for showing me that "You can always go home" and when I was homesick for reminding me that where you are surrounded by love you are never lost, that is where your home is. Thank you for sticking around during the craziest time of our life and loving us through it. I'm looking forward to the next year because of all of you and know that you will be in it!!

Peace and Love,
Amy

Again in two weeks....oh BARF.

They said this would get easier with time. Things would settle down, we would get into a routine. Almost a year later, and the very thought of releasing my kids to their "Dad" sends me into anxiety mode.
I try to stay as busy as possible, otherwise I will obsess with what they are doing, are they safe, are they happy. There are some weekends that no amount of wine, projects or people can take any of the strain off. It hits me in the chest and my heart breaks for them. I am reduced to blubbering whale on couch in sweat pants and chocolate smeared in random places.
I would think that it would help if circumstances were better. A "Co-Parent Relationship" is ideal. But whats that? I don't understand the hostility, anger, bitterness, and resentment that is directed toward me. And to put our children in the middle by making them feel guilty and emotionally responsibly for an adult is beyond my understanding. The pieces I am left to deal with are sometimes unrepairable. Verbal abuse they have been caught in the middle of, lies they have been told about me, "messages" have been sent home to tell me (yeah, I did have money for cigarettes Jose, but you can't spare $20 for spirit shirts? I mean come on I spend $100 on uniforms!), insults to important people in their lives (Nana is not stupid!!). All building in the destruction of their world of love and security.
And then we have to do it all again in two weeks, oh BARF.
As horrible as it sounds I try not to call them when they are away. The majority of the times that I do, two out of the three are crying, there is yelling in the background and I can hear the sadness and tension in their voices. When my 3 year old is crying "I want to come home" and there is NOTHING I can do......Its really hard to not let anger get the best of you. I honestly have gotten in the car to drive up there and had to be talked out of it.
So, I have to do my best when they are here to love them, and let them know that they are loved by such an extensive group of people. To which I am so very thankful for. WE have the BEST FAMILY and FRIENDS that anyone could ask for. I know that my kids know it too. The sacrifices, that they all have made for us, welcoming us into their homes, (or dragging us there when we really needed it and I was too stubborn), coming over for movie nights and glitter (ok it was sprinkles!) in the air, and being there for us to cry and laugh and laugh until we cried, and dance and sing (and lets not forget plank!) I am a lucky, lucky girl!
And yeah, we have to do it again in two weeks but they will always come home to us all!

Puppy Love......

Throughout life there are many milestones. Penelope has experienced several this week. Not only has she began her first year of public school, lost her two front teeth, but she has for her first "true love".
Morning are a bit crazy for us but I have to admit, they go a little smoother than I thought they would...we haven't been late to school yet so that in itself is a success. Afternoons are a little more chaotic. I race on my lunch break, my 30 minute lunch break at 2 15, to pick up Presley and Penelope from what seems to be the never ending car pool line at their school. As soon as they a shoveled into the car I flash a anxious smile with "How was school?" Hoping that it is followed by joyous responses of how great their day was. On this particular day it was memorable for Penelope. As it was for Pres, just not in the same exact way.
"Mommy a boy at school has a crush on me!" Penelope exclaims. "Oh really? How do you know he has a crush on you?" I ask, waiting for the story behind this. Penelope response with "Because he stares at me ALL THE TIME! And by the way his name is Roman. He look just like SAM Mom!! SAM!!"
Sam was Penelope's first major crush. They met approximately a year ago on a camping trip and it was love at first sight, that is, for Penelope. Sam had it all according to Nelly. Blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic, funny, and 5 years her senior. She spent all of the camping trip vying for his affection. Poking, teasing, climbing, wrestling all with a smile and moon eyes....we all felt sorry for Sam by the time the weekend was over. Roman, my dear, you have your work cut out for you!
After Nelly's announcement the car was quiet for all if 20 seconds. Just as I glance in the rear view mirror I am met with Presley's unapproving eyes and an outburst of "That's not right!! He cant have a crush on her!! Its just wrong!!" "Why is that wrong Presley?" I asked. "Because she is my SISTER!" I giggle at the typical big brother comment.
"Well, I think Roman is mad a me because I told him that I just didn't care if he has a crush on me! What?? I just don't care!" This is complete honesty from Penelope. Not much gets to her, or shakes her until she has had time to mull it over. I find her later that night drawing a picture (of a dog of course) for Roman that says "I'm sorry" I smile to myself and wonder how this will go over, with both boys...
The next day is a repeat of the same routine. This time when the kids pile in and are asked about their day Penelope proclaims "ROMAN DOES NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON ME ANYMORE!! HE IS MY BOYFRIEND!!" I laugh and Presley goes off on another rant about how unacceptable this is which makes me laugh even more!
If only dating for adults was this easy and uncomplicated.....or maybe it is and we choose to make things confusing..... You like someone, they like you. Hurt their feelings, apologize. Life goes on, the good parts, the ugly parts, no matter what the outside opinions are.....and they always will be there, love the one you got and be happy!

Snake Wrangling been there done that.

In all honesty, I really don't know what I'm doing. I have a tendency to throw things out and see what sticks. I try to pass it off as "Experimental Parenting". I often have that very surreal moment when I realize that these are in fact my children and I alone am responsible for their health, happiness, well being, and that very long future ahead.
I pass off phrases like "Oh, lets test that theory" or "nice hypothesis" or the most frequently used "WE ARE ONLY OBSERVING!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK ITS TAIL OFF NELLY!!" There are way too many lizards walking around here without tails....My sister told me she saw one the other day and immediately though of Penelope....that's Nelly Bean for ya!

It should come to no surprise that with the last 8 months of them catching crawfish, crabs, lizards, frogs, and going fishing,the stakes would be upped a little.
As I am elbow deep in the never ending pile of laundry Penelope burst through the door "MOM!!! I HAVE A REALLY BIG SURPRISE!!! COME OUTSIDE!! COME OUTSIDE!!"
I look down at the massive stack of clothes....if I don't finish this now, I'm never going too. "What is it Nelly?" I ask trying to defer me from actually going outside.
"OK MOM OK!! ITS A SNAKE!!!" she exclaims. "We caught it! We caught it!"
This gets my attention. I am picturing the time Nelly was carrying around the dead snake, ah yes and there was also the time that Pixie held the dead lizard for three hours....and I'm realizing that it is very probable that they have caught a snake and I'm wondering how big it is and what kind as I hurdle past the stack of clothes I just folded, tripping and knocking it over, awesome.
Outside I find a very defensive snake in a cardboard box. Pixie holding her "BAA" under her chin slightly tilts her head "Mom, he sooo chute! He nice too he welly welly nice!"
"He can still bite you ya know!" How did you get him in the box??" This is followed by jumbled ramblings of "NO don't grab him!" "Stop now!" "THAT IS A STRIKING POSITION!" and likewise...
"I caught him Mom! I just got my net and swiped him up. Hes a rat snake, and he will be my pet and I will catch him crickets." Pres declares. He is unstoppable with that net.
Although I am worried that by the end of the day someone will be bitten, I am really proud of them. They worked together and caught what could have potentially been a deadly snake (but it wasn't!)now I am on board.
"OK maybe we should get a different container?"
Nelly races to get what used to be the hamster cage (story for a different day)as she runs off something apparently startles the snake. I goes leaping, up, over the side of the box squiggling around on the deck. "BAA" goes flying into the air and Pixie pounces on the snake on all fours!
"STOP!" I yell. I probably should have just let the little guy slither away but I could not face the disappointment the kids would have felt. So what do I do, a split second decision, I too pounce on top of it swiping it up a tossing it is the cage Nelly has just dropped on the deck making our timing impeccable.
Of course at this point, I have to use my phrase "we are just observing, he will be released at the end of the day". They are used to this now and there are no objections.
Thank God.

Truth is....I'm Divorced

DIVORCED.
Strong Statement? Understatement.
What it means to me is that I am a survivor. I was put through a decade of abuse and came out on top.
Don't get me wrong, I was very good at hiding it, went through it with a smile on my face.
The "good times" were an expectation of what the future could be and not of what the present actually was. Its always easier to look forward to something, even if its the smallest thing, than to know what is your reality.
If someone, and I know many of you will think "I DID!", had told me that life could be this beautiful, happy, peaceful, (really, the list could go on...)and that I could be content with myself, focused, and I could just let go...my God, I would have never stayed. Truth is, the right person did not say that to me. The right person waited a decade to open their mouth. ME.
I do believe in time lines. I do believe that although I hinted to myself, quite frequently, the timing wasn't right until now.
I think I was actually voted most naive in high school. I really did not understand why at the time. Maybe I was naive to what was actually in the world around me, the people around me, the possibilities around me. It seems that it was in some way a prophecy for the last ten years of my life. It is amazing to me the things I didn't know were going on all around me. Lies, Deceit, Infidelity, Alienation......
I exhausted myself by trying to fix, overcome, atone for someone else's shortcomings. In doing so, I lost myself, my family, my friends. I lied to myself habitually, and others even more. I stayed for the last half for a daughter that wasn't mine but I would give my life for. I left, for children that were mine and for a life that we all deserved.
I am no longer living in the shadow of someone elses negativity and lies.
At last I can say I am happy. I don't look back, not for a second glance.
I AM FREE!

SINGLE (check box here)

Starting your life over as single is a strange experience, to say the least. Everything you thought you knew, everything you thought you wanted seems to evaporate. There is nothing left untouched. Lifestyle, livelihood, friends, sense of home, YOUR NAME, you begin to wonder what its all about, what it all is for, and whats the point of it all. As if those questions weren't already swimming around in your head you are hit head on with them, all at once in a cold dark place.
What you have built, worked for, cherished, loved is taken out by a tide of deception in a world that you yourself had a hand in creating. Leaving you with nothing other than bitter truth. Truth that you must relinquish to.
Through my "made for TV mini drama" my children have been my constant. Never allowing me to lose focus on our goal. What life is for us. What is important.
Those mornings that the light meets my eyes with a "please don't be morning" impenetrable shut, those are the mornings where inevitably someone WILL be jumping on my bed yelling "We want cereal! We want cereal!" or the ever so famous "Mommy, I gotta go pee."
When the days seem long, I'm met with a net full of goldfish from Grandpa Deans pond gulping for air. Or the infamous crawfish mid convulsion in a desperate attempt to get away.

There are times of chaos. Presley sleepwalking, the nights when no amount of melatonin will settle the girls down. And those nights when you think "I can't do this all over again tomorrow." and "Will it be like this the rest of our lives?" "How can I do this on my own?!"

There are the small victories that make it all worthwhile. When Presley counts out his money for his Lego set on his own for the cashier, even though we spent 45 MINUTES in the Lego aisle.
Penelope learning to read and spell words. Pixie finally coming out of her shell. And the artwork, the amazing things that they create. Their angelic smiles...their eyes that capture their innocent souls. The kisses and "I lub you Mom"......
Juggling their beauty amidst of the chaos....that's when I know we will be OK. We will be Spectacular!